It FINALLY happened. You sent us the picture of the pee stick and said “do you guys see two lines or am I crazy?” And we began crying, celebrating, thanking God that after years of disappointment, loss, and heartbreak – we saw TWO lines!
Being close to someone who battles infertility can be heartbreaking and difficult to navigate sometimes.
We felt sad when we announced our own pregnancies because we knew that it would sting for you to hear – even though you would put on a brave face and celebrate with us.
We felt apprehensive about discussing baby gear, nursery decor, and names with you because we know that you have a Pinterest board of your own just waiting to be called into use. We hesitated to tell you how difficult pregnancy and new motherhood could be because we knew you would gladly switch places.
Now you are the one announcing, planning, and experiencing and we are nothing short of elated!
But we know that pregnancy after infertility offers a unique set of fears and considerations and there are some things that we want to let you know upfront:
DON’T FEEL GUILTY ABOUT COMPLAINING
We get it. You have been praying for this baby for so long, that now that you’re pregnant you feel guilty about even the slightest grumble. Don’t! As magical as pregnancy is, it is also the literal worst. The puking. The aches. The stretch marks and melasma. We shudder even thinking about the unrelenting heartburn and restless leg.
Complaining is a rite of passage in pregnancy. Just know that we, your mom friends, would never judge you for whining about the mind-numbing exhaustion that you are now experiencing. We don’t think that a little bitching makes you any less grateful for this blessed event. This gruesome, messy, blessed event.
DON’T FEEL BAD FOR BEING PARANOID
You have been waiting and wishing and working so hard to get to this point that it’s perfectly natural that you would feel even more protective than usual of that little pea.
In fact, I suggest that you milk this time for all it’s worth. You don’t want to pick up heavy stuff? Let someone else do it. You feel like staying in bed all weekend? Do it. You want to farm out your yard work? Call us. We will scoop your litter box, mow your grass, and carry your groceries into the house if it calms your nerves a little bit.
These things probably wouldn’t hurt you or babe, but if it gives you peace of mind and eases the massive anxiety currently hovering over you, CALL US. We will do all the things for you.
YOU ARE OUR PRIMARY CONCERN
We have talked to you, cried with you, and seen the depression and anguish that you have experienced time and again on this journey. We want this baby very badly, but more than that, we want our friend to be okay. To be happy. To avoid sinking into the abject despair that she’s found herself in many times before.
It’s a very helpless feeling to watch this process and to only be able to offer an ear or a shoulder. So we’ll keep a brave face and a positive outlook during this pregnancy and we’ll reassure you that: Spotting is normal. Those aches happen to everyone! Sneezing too hard will not hurt the baby. It’s okay if all you can keep down is cereal.
But we are also holding our breath and, quite honestly, freaking the hell out a little. That doesn’t mean that we don’t want to hear about every little concern, but we want you to know that while we can’t control what happens with this pregnancy, we will do everything in our power to support, love, and lift you up no matter the outcome.
DON’T HOLD BACK
So now that it’s finally happening, don’t hold back on us! We are ready to talk non-stop about breastfeeding, nurseries, labor, birth, and stretchmarks. It’s never too much and we never tire of it.
We’ve had your baby shower planned in our heads for years. Send us hundreds of baby names to weigh in on. Show us all of the bougie Pinterest nurseries and the ridiculous baby clothes with a thousand buttons that will be worn only once for an Instagram picture. We’re here for it and we’re here for you.